Tonight I sat online in my final class in graduate school.  I didn’t really think much about it.  I won’t miss all of the teachers in my program who can’t seem to properly work technology and Elluminate sessions (online lecture software). I won’t miss all of the classmates who say stupid and mostly pointless things that are completely unrelated to the question or discussion in class. I won’t miss any of it.

I submitted my final assignment around noon today — all 1200 words of it.  Well, 1999 words.  I felt next to nothing beyond relief that it was done.  I spent maybe 2 hours on it, and I’ll get an A- on it (as I have figured out my teacher’s grading system). It was tedious and pointless, and finally off my to do list.

I submitted my thesis chapter just a bit ago.  I’m relieved but concerned at the same time.  That’s 2 chapters down, 4 to go, plus editing all of the chapters, defending my thesis, my language exam, and final revisions and edits.  Yes, another chapter is written, but there is tons more work to go in the upcoming weeks and months. But for tonight and tomorrow I’m going to enjoy being done with this chapter.

Tonight marks an end with a new beginning.  A beginning where I am no longer taking coursework.  A beginning with no more homework.  A beginning that for the first time in all my life that I can focus solely on ONE school subject — my thesis.

This also comes with a new beginning for my life.  No longer can I use excuses like class, homework, discussions, or group projects from going and working out.  I have no more excuses.  I have time, I have the opportunity now, while I’m unemployed and don’t have a set schedule, to get as much working out in as I can.  And I’m going to take advantage of it because that’s my job right now — to get healthy, lose weight, and finish my thesis.

Best of luck to everyone who is just now hitting final projects, final exams, final papers, and to the teachers who get to trudge through all of the grading!  I’ve been there, and one thing I can say is that I’m glad that in both my graduate programs we finish a week before finals week.

I will not miss these midnight burning oil sessions of homework.  I can promise you that.

Research paper — DONE eh, I went 4 words over, so I’ll edit it tomorrow and submit it, but I’m not worried about it

Thesis chapter — 4 solid pages left, will write them tomorrow morning, slightly worried about this because my motivation has been lacking

Running — A.M. because the weather will still be nice and I have my final class in the evening so I can’t run then

Gym — contemplating a midday workout at the gym (yes, in addition to the A.M. run), thesis writing will determine if this happens or not

In less than 24 hours the insanity of this semester will be over.  

Do I regret this semester?  Not. One. Moment.  It’s been an amazing journey.  

That being said, I am ready for it to be over.

It was slow as I did it with the dog, but I got 1.5 miles in today between thesis writing and dinner.  It was a nice and much needed break as my eyes feel like they are bleeding from the hours they are spending in front of the computer.

The dog didn’t want to cooperate so I spent nearly a mile running backwards — and my calves are burning from it.  But hey, a run is a run, despite the circumstances.

The weather is GORGEOUS today — 74 degrees with a nice breeze.  Tomorrow will be similar conditions before we go back up to the high 80s and running outside is for non-daylight hours.

As I was running I realized that this is the first real foot to pavement running I’ve done since NYC.  Alabama was hiking and not running (and wasn’t on pavement, it was over rock and grass!).  It felt great to hit the pavement and just feel the movement.  My body doesn’t hurt as much when I run on pavement than treadmill, I even forgot to wear my knee strap and my lower body feels fine.

Now 6 pages for the thesis and 600 words to complete my research paper.  Huzzah for productivity!

It seems like I haven’t had much to really say lately.  I’ve been consumed by school, job applications, some personal stuff, and anything but working out.

I’ve put little effort into trying to make time to work out since coming back from my friend’s last week.  I openly admit it.  And it scares me.  I just haven’t been driven to focus on weight, weight loss, eating, or working out over the past half week.

As I look at the calendar and realize graduation is 2 weeks away, I won’t reach my dream of being under 200 before I finish my first M.A. degree.  And somehow I’ve accepted that.  I’ve flirted with the same 5-8 pounds for almost a year now, which is what frustrates me.  But I realize that for 6 of those months I was half marathon training.  And a part of my body is still used to that way of life and that consumption of calories.  Which is why I need to stop and focus.

I hate to say “after XYZ I’ll do it” because that’s what it seems it always is.  But I’m tired, frustrated on focusing on the number on the scale and not the look and feel of my clothes (which has been a bit frustrating recently).

I haven’t fallen off the deep end and consumed bad foods, but I’ve definitely haven’t had strict focus on serving sizes with certain foods, which is something that needs to change.  And it’s not like I’ve thrown the towel in with working out, it’s just this little thing called time. It’s been like this since I started graduate school in 2009, and it seems like a never ending tale since.  

Essentially I’ve run myself rugged and haven’t given myself a moment to just take it all in and relax.  New York was a semi-mini vacation, but it just pushed itself into a deeper hole with how far behind I fell with school, same with the 2 weeks I was doing thesis research, and the trip I took last week.  I just keep falling further into a hole of being behind.

I’m stopping with excuses.  I’m stopping with the “no time for things” reasoning behind why I don’t put my best foot forward. Graduate school isn’t forever, but the rest of my life is.

I’m not recommitting because I never completely stopped committing.  But I am refocusing on me, myself, and my health.  I look at family members and realize I don’t want to be like them, shoving fist full of medicine on a daily basis.  I don’t want to consume my vitamins through supplemental pills.  I want to be healthy, I want to not have to worry what my cholesterol level is because it’ll be normal, I want to not have any vitamin deficiencies, I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not think why does my spare tire stomach show so much, I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

First step — acknowledging all of the positive that has happened in my life:

I am alive, I do not need special medical care, I do not have any major injuries, I am not recovering from any major injuries, I am lucky enough to have a roof over my head and food on my table for every meal, I have running drinkable water, I have clothing on my back and more in my closet, I live in a free country where I am not forced to do things I don’t want to do.

I have been able to swim with my own body, I have been able to run a half marathon on my own two legs with no assistance, I have been able to run countless training miles with no significant injury, I have been able to run races with some amazing people, I have been able to join a gym and partake in the opportunity to better my lifestyle, I have been able to meet some wonderful people who are on a similar journey to take back their lives.

I have gone from a size 20/22 in jeans and t-shirts to size 14/16 in shorts and jeans, from an XXL to a Large in shirts and dresses.

On December 12, 2008, I graduated with my B.A. degree at 260 pounds in a size 20/22 dress. And on May 5, 2012, I will walk across the stage to receive the first of my M.A. degrees in a size LARGE dress at approximately 215 pounds.

These are positive, and as my days continue on this earth and through this journey, the clothing numbers will decrease and the weight lost will increase.  But most importantly,I will be happy, I will be healthy, and the insides of my body will be healthy, I won’t be at risk for diabetes, high cholesterol, or heart issues. 

Back at ‘em to do lists!

- YMCA for some sort of circuit workout in the A.M. 

- attending Temple’s Yom HaShoah program

- grocery shopping

- settling into 6 pages of thesis writing (and backing up)

It’s small, it’s simple, and it’s to the point.  If I get all of these things done it’ll be a win, especially the thesis writing.  That’s a must!

I spent more hours staring at a computer screen trying to type out my thesis than actual words I put on a page.

Zero motivation means that tomorrow is going to be a super long day with 15 pages that have to be written in some shape or form before the deadline.  It’ll all be revised anyway, so what’s the point, right?  That’s where the thought process is.

And if I don’t get up early enough tomorrow, looks like my swimming workout will turn into a running workout with the weather.  I’ve had zero motivation to run but all the motivation in the world to swim.  Something is better than nothing, I just have to keep telling myself that.

Keep on trucking people, it’s almost the weekend!  And those in school…it’s reigning in on the END OF THE SEMESTER!  If only it weren’t the busiest part…

WHERE did March go?  Oh, that’s right, 2 weeks of traveling and 2 weeks of anticipating traveling can do that to a person.

March goals:

1. ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF NEW YORK CITY! No regrets whatsoever. For 4 days I am going to be with TWO friends (the 2nd just surprised me the other day that he’s going to join us for some NYC shenanigans) I haven’t seen in 4 years, on spring break, running a half marathon. It doesn’t get much better than this. So this happened, and this happened, and even this happened.  No regrets whatsoever.

2. Make sure to get running workouts in for each new city I’m staying at overnight. (Atlanta, NYC, Birmingham, Montgomery) Running workouts=trail, park, etc.; only excuse is if it’s late or pouring rain.  While I only stayed overnight in 3 places (Atlanta, NYC, and small town in Alabama), I ran in ALL THREE OF ‘EM!  Atlanta was just on the treadmill, but NYC was the obvious race and Alabama was running and hiking.

3. Watch what I eat. Yes, it might get a bit ridiculous, but last semester’s trip was pretty good all in all, just got to remember limits and portions. Ugh, this was a bit more difficult.  2 rounds of fried food from Captain D’s.  The rest was pretty dead on alright, just a few little indulgences from ice cream, but salads, and grilled chicken I pretty much lived on.  And a frozen pizza, no regrets as it was after my 2 hour hike.

4. Keep up with schoolwork and group projects. Traveling for 2 weeks is going to keep me busy, especially during a busy part of the semester.  Difficult indeed.  So difficult that I got home at 6 and stayed up until 11 doing my homework assignment due at midnight.  But it was finished and completed on time, plus everything else was done on time.  Now to freak out over what has to be done in April.

5. Finish NYC Half Marathon in under/at 3 hours. While it wasn’t under 3 hours, and it wasn’t directly at 3 hours, I FINISHED the NYC Half Marathon, something that I had been worried about for weeks with my pace.  And that’s what counts is finishing.  Next half I’ll worry about time goals, this half it was about finishing it.

5 out of 5 goals complete!

April goals:

1. Survive the final 4 weeks of 1 graduate degree and maintain my sanity.  3 group projects, 1 research paper, 2 presentations, 4 weeks of discussion posts, and 3 online classes left for my graduate degree!

2. Lose 6-8 pounds. While my goal of being under 200 is most likely out of reach for my May 5th graduation date, I can still do the best I can in losing weight this month. (Note: I haven’t had a “lose XY pounds” as a goal in months)

3. Total mileage for the month: 64 miles (see below for breakdown)

3a. Swim 3 times a week at a mile per time — 12 miles in the month. 

3b. Bike 2 times a week at 2 miles per time — 16 miles in the month

3c. Run 36 miles in the month (approximately 3 miles each running time, 3 times a week)

4. 30 Days of 30 Day Shred — no excuses, Do Life buddy and I are challenging ourselves with this one!

So bring on April…it’s all about working out, eating right, shedding pounds, and finishing up one of my graduate degrees!

- my gym has a running club, but it’s primarily for beginners and essentially has the route mapped out on a major road with about 5 crosswalks — Is it really worth it for me to run with beginners and encounter more crosswalks than if I were to run by myself or hit the treadmill?  I’ll give it a shot, but it’s not looking promising.

- apparently my body has changed over the past 8 months as swimming a full mile makes me feel more relaxed and my muscles feel stronger as they pull me from one end of the pool to the other

- I need to invest in some good sunscreen as my poor nose looks like Rudolph (any suggestions swimmers?)

- my body craves fruit after swimming, like whoa.  I stuck a banana in my gym bag and ate it on my way home after the gym.  Any other good fruits to have on hand?  I usually eat a banana, apple, grapes, and oranges during the day.  I reserve oranges and grapes for the evening while I’m watching t.v.

- the more I look at the calendar I realize just how close I am to being able to put “M.A.” at the end of my name for a hard earned graduate degree (May 6th guys!!!!)

- this whole “not having a complete workout schedule” is kind of shaky at best for me, I’m going to map out days of the week for when I want to do what at the gym for April.  See, it only lasted about a week before I gave in to wanting to have a schedule instead of seeing how things go….surprised?  I’m not.

- my favorite holiday is coming up!  Hands down, Passover is my favorite Jewish holiday to celebrate.  The history behind it, the togetherness with the family at the Passover sedar, seven amazing days of eating matzah brai (matzah with eggs) for breakfast (AWESOME PICTURES WILL BE TAKEN!), and the great meals of matzo ball soup with chicken and fresh vegetables (which have never happened but will this year).  It’s by far the best holiday in the books for me, none of the others can compete at all.

- my allergies are bad, bad to the bone.  I’ve never had them this bad before.  Eyes are red, nose is draining all the time, sore throat, hard to breathe, always sneezing.  It’s difficult to swim with it, but I’m going to the doctor next week hopefully for a different prescription to hopefully change things up and make this feel better.

- several people in the locker room commented on my interesting tans — namely my legs and wrists (where my watch and ID bracelet are). 

I’m done being random.  It’s been a long day, going out with the folks tomorrow morning, followed by an afternoon filled with homework and unpacking the rest of my bags (almost finished it today).  And there’s a to do list somewhere…namely about 5 pages of my thesis need to be written tomorrow, followed by 5 on Sunday, 4 on Monday, and sending in my chapter on Tuesday.  Couple that with with usual everyday duties and some exciting times at the gym and it’s going to make for an interestingly long weekend.  I might get a few miles out on the roads Sunday if the weather holds out and my allergies don’t make me want to die.

I got through almost the whole day without my phone and computer. I had to get on my phone when my parents called and this morning to check in to my research location (it’s how I keep track of research days).

It felt great to not be attached to my phone all day. No antsy feeling of who updated tumblr, no Facebook status updates, no tweets to get frustrated with, nothing.

And of course now that I’m ready to reconnect the hotel’s internet is down….go figure, right?

It was beautiful out this morning! I’m hoping the weather cooperates tomorrow morning because I’m putting some miles in on the red clay of a beautiful Alabama running trail. How many miles? I don’t know, probably somewhere close to 6 as I’m aching for some outside running and some quality time with nature. And since I have nowhere to be until noon, I’ll have plenty of time to kill—getting up early to grab some continental breakfast to put into my mini fridge for post-run eating.

So here’s to going for another productive day tomorrow, but this time with a nice outdoor run.

Ugh, ugh, and ugh.

There is so much to do between now and bright and early Thursday morning when I make the trek up to Atlanta for the night before getting on a jet plane to NYC Friday.

Whelp, I guess I better get this to do list out of the way today:

- stretch like whoa <—that’s on the to do list everyday this week!

- laundry round 1 (packing up stuff for post-NYC trip…shorts and pants all in one bag! Round 2 will be running gear on Wednesday)

- finish my final 3 job applications before my trip (one full week of taking off from job searching and applying—whoo?)

- 3 pages of thesis chapter

- group project edits and finalization (guess who got nominated to do formatting of the final project?)

So happy Monday, everyone!  Also, happy glorious spring break!  Technically it’s my 2nd week of spring break, for my 2nd M.A.’s school, but last week I didn’t really realize it was spring break until late in the week and spring break doesn’t really impact me for my other degree anymore…

P.S. Day 2 of daylight savings…not a huge fan of what this is doing to my internal clock.  And then I realize that in another week or so I still won’t be a huge fan because I’ll be switching time zones and losing an hour (technically gaining back the hour I lost from yesterday!).